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I’m 16 And Pregnant – But My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Tell Our Parents

The problem…

“I’m 16 and pregnant and still live at home with my parents, who don’t yet know about it. My boyfriend is 18 and thinks we should try to keep things quiet for a while, as both sets of parents will hit the roof when they find out.

“He says he wants to find a way to break it to them gently, but although I’m also worried how they’re going to react, I’m not sure I want to hide this from my parents.

“When I told my boyfriend I wanted to tell them, he became angry and said I was being disloyal. He’s never shouted at me like this before and now I’m upset and confused. Our parents are going to find out sooner or later, so why not tell them now, as I could certainly use their support!”

Fiona says…

“There’s a lot going on here. What’s happening with your boyfriend is one thing. But importantly, if you are pregnant, it really is best to seek the appropriate support as soon as possible.

“Your boyfriend is clearly worried as to how your parents (and possibly his) will react. I don’t know why he thinks delaying telling them will make things any easier – I suspect he’s worried about how they will treat him. You are young and although you’re not under-age, he is probably justified in thinking your parents won’t be happy about this. Point out to him that they are more likely to be angry the longer you leave it.

“Instead of hiding from his responsibilities, your boyfriend needs to face up to them. I think you’re right to feel upset and confused though – he shouldn’t be putting pressure on you. Perhaps he has a poor relationship with his parents, and doesn’t appreciate you have a good one with yours.

“I believe you need to trust your instincts here and tell them – as you say, you need support, and you will soon need healthcare both for yourself and for your baby. Your parents may be distressed, even angry, but I am sure their concern will be for you.

“Have you spoken to your GP about being pregnant? It’s a good idea to do this soon, regardless of anything else going on.

If you’d like to talk to somebody trained in these areas, for information and confidential advice and support, Brook would be a good organisation to have a look at (brook.org.uk). Please don’t leave it too long to speak to your doctor and seek support, where ever you choose to turn – it really is important.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.

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