Elizabeth Berrett
When the word suicide enters a conversation, it doesn’t knock politely. It kicks the door in, rearranges the furniture, and leaves you wondering what on earth you’re supposed to say next. If you’re supporting someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, that uncertainty is common—and dangerous only if it keeps you silent.
Many people worry about getting it wrong: whether talk of suicide should be taken seriously, whether asking questions could make things worse, and whether telling someone else is a betrayal. The guidance from clinicians is blunt in the best way: don’t guess, don’t minimise, and don’t do it alone.
In the UK, men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women (four times in Ireland), and the Samaritans report that the highest suicide rate is among men aged 45 to 49 (55-64-year-old men in ROI). But mental distress doesn’t check your passport, your pay slip, or your postcode.
Anyone—regardless of age, race, gender, or ethnicity—can struggle with suicidal thoughts, sometimes as part of an existing mental health condition, sometimes triggered by a sudden crisis that feels unsurvivable in the moment.
Experts here share their practical advice for how to support someone through suicidal ideation and help them access professional support.
Start here: be present, not perfect
The first mistake people make is trying to produce the “right” phrase, as if there’s a single sentence that unlocks safety. In reality, what matters most is tone: calm, steady, and non-judgmental. You’re not auditioning for a role. You’re showing up.
“If you’re concerned about a loved one who may be suicidal, the first and most important thing you can do for them is to be non-judgmental,” says Simon Shattock, family and couple psychotherapist at Mental Health Partnership Clinical Partners.
That means resisting the reflex to dismiss their feelings or tidy them away with forced optimism. You don’t have to fully understand their pain to take it seriously.
“Provide validation and acknowledgement of their suicidal feelings. You may not agree with them, but listening in a sympathetic and caring way is one of the most helpful things you can do.”
In public health terms, this is harm reduction for the mind: reduce isolation, increase connection, and keep the conversation open.
Treat any mention of suicide as real
There’s no safe way to “rank” risk based on how someone says it—jokingly, casually, in passing, in anger, in tears. Not everyone who is considering suicide will disclose it. And not everyone who mentions it will act. But the only responsible response is to take it seriously every time.
“Take any hint of suicidal behaviour seriously,” says Javier Ferreiro-Pisos, a consultant psychiatrist at Clinical Partners.
People supporting a loved one often feel they must become an expert overnight. They don’t. The job is to create space, buy time, and get the person to professional help.
“It can feel like a huge responsibility to provide advice, but just remember that this is the job of a healthcare professional. The best thing you can do initially is to buy time by simply letting the person blow off steam and express how they feel in a safe space. ”
Buying time can look like staying with them, keeping them talking, removing immediate means if you can do so safely, and involving others appropriately. It is not melodramatic. It is a precaution.
Remind them that crises can pass
In many cases, suicide is preventable, and people who receive support from friends and family—and who can access mental health services—are less likely to act on impulses. The difficulty is that suicidal distress often feels permanent at the exact moment it is most temporary.
“Try to demonstrate that there is hope and help available,” says Ferreiro-Pisos.
“Depressive episodes have treatment and financial problems can be solved. If the person has been suicidal before and overcame the crisis, remind them of how the current situation does not look as definitive as it seems.”
This isn’t “cheer up.” It’s reality-checking, gently: the future exists, options exist, and support can change how today feels.
Ask clear, direct questions—don’t dance around it
One of the most persistent fears is that asking about suicide will “put the idea in their head.” The evidence-informed clinical view is the opposite: avoidance increases risk by leaving you blind.
“Speak openly and clearly about the situation with the person you are concerned about,” says Ferreiro-Pisos. “Don’t be afraid of asking ‘how’ and ‘when’.
“Many people feel wary of asking these kinds of questions in case it triggers further thoughts of harm, but in reality, this information could be vital, as you could learn about the method, time-frame and precipitating factors.”
If you learn the person has a method, a timeframe, and intent, that’s not gossip—it’s critical risk information. It helps you decide what level of help is needed, now.
He continues: “This way, you’ll know about the intensity of the suicidal ideation and whether it is more appropriate to arrange for them to see their GP, call a crisis line for advice, take the person to A&E if they consent, or whether to call the emergency services for immediate help.”
That’s a practical escalation ladder, not a moral dilemma.
Help them access support—quickly and concretely
The most helpful question after listening is often: What can we do next, right now? Not next week. Not when they feel “ready.” Now—because delay is where risk grows legs.
“Make sure they can access support, either through the Samaritans and/or their GP quickly,” says Shattock.
“Getting professional help early can reduce the risk of harm. It can feel like a difficult conversation to have initially, but speaking openly and directly can be a huge relief to the person concerned.”
Offer to sit with them while they call. Offer to drive them. Offer to help them write down what they’re feeling so they can say it out loud to a GP or clinician. Practical support is emotional support with shoes on.
Where to get help, 24/7
If you’re concerned about someone you know, help and support is available 24/7 from the Samaritans‘ free helpline, which you can contact on 116 123.
And if you believe someone is in immediate danger, seek urgent help via emergency services.
The hard truth is that suicide can feel unspeakable. The better truth is that speaking—calmly, directly, without judgement—can be the first step that keeps someone here long enough to be helped.
