Elizabeth Berrett
If you still think “professional distance” is the gold standard of leadership, it might be time to sharpen your glasses. The data on workplace friendships is getting harder to ignore: having mates at the office doesn’t just make the day pass quicker, it can make people happier, more engaged and a lot more productive. And when those workplace friendships include the boss, things get really interesting.
Co-working specialists Instant Offices have pulled together research showing just how much having friends at work matters. A hefty 66% of British workers say having a friend boosts job satisfaction, while 57% say having a “best friend” at work makes their job more enjoyable, and ramps up productivity and creativity in the process. That’s not just the odd lunch buddy – that’s culture.
Yet for managers, there’s a tightrope to walk: how do you enjoy all the upside of closer relationships without tumbling into favouritism, blurred boundaries or pub-chat politics?
“Most Different to You” – Why Your Least Obvious Friend Might Be Your Best One
Lucinda Pullinger, Global Head of HR at the Instant Group, says managers ignore relationships at their peril – and not just because it’s nicer when everyone gets on.
“As a manager, it is important to get to know all your direct reports and show interest, care and concern for all team members equally. There are commercial as well as human reasons for this. Also, in a work environment, it can be the team members who are actually most different to you that are your most valuable, as they provide you with alternative thinking and/or challenge which drives a better outcome. Therefore, valuing, trusting and treating all team members equally is important to enable a team to perform at its true potential.”
In other words, if you only click with the people who laugh at your jokes and drink your brand of coffee, you’re not just being a bit dull – you’re leaving money on the table. Workplace friendships that stretch beyond your natural “copy-and-paste” crowd bring challenge, new ideas and, occasionally, the priceless moment when someone gently points out that your “great plan” is actually a terrible one.
The Rise of Workplace Friendships
If you think this is some new, fluffy fad, the numbers say otherwise. A 2020 UK study found that:
- 76% of employees report having a positive relationship with their immediate boss
- 77% say the same about their colleagues
So for most people, a decent relationship with their manager and co-workers is already the norm. The myth of the aloof boss, gliding around in splendid isolation, is not only outdated – it’s actively unhelpful.
Modern work, especially in flexible and hybrid settings, relies on trust, collaboration and a lot of informal back-and-forth. Workplace friendships oil the machine. The trick is making sure that oil doesn’t end up all over HR’s carpet.
Why Friends at Work Make the Job Better
When colleagues click, performance doesn’t just nudge upwards – it can leap. Instant Offices highlight several key benefits when bosses and employees develop strong, healthy friendships:
- Increased trust
Knowing someone beyond their job title makes it easier to read intentions, give the benefit of the doubt and move quicker on decisions. - Loyalty
Strong bonds outside of work often translate into a deeper sense of loyalty inside it. People are more likely to go the extra mile for a boss who sees them as a human being, not just a headcount. - Support and knowledge sharing
A mutual friendship creates a safer space to ask for help, admit what you don’t know and swap ideas without feeling daft. That’s a productivity booster disguised as a chat. - Better communication
If you’re used to talking openly as friends, you’re more likely to communicate clearly and honestly professionally. No reading tea leaves in cryptic emails. - Happiness and wellbeing
Being able to share frustrations, celebrate wins and have a laugh with people you like at work is a powerful buffer against stress – and a quiet driver of resilience.
This is where workplace friendships become a genuine strategic asset, not just a “nice-to-have”. Happy, supported people don’t just stay longer; they usually perform better.
Walking the Tightrope: Boss, Friend… or Both?
Of course, this is where things get complicated. As a manager, you’re not just another member of the WhatsApp group – you sign off appraisals, approve holiday and make the tough calls when budgets bite.
So how do you navigate that fine line between being approachable and being everyone’s “mate”, without accidentally turning performance reviews into a popularity contest? Instant Offices sets out ten practical ways to be both boss and friend without losing your balance.
10 Ways to Be the Boss and a Friend
1. Talk about the ‘power shift’
Don’t pretend nothing’s changed when you move into a leadership role over people you’re close to. Acknowledge the new dynamic. Talk about it openly rather than hoping the awkwardness will quietly evaporate. It won’t.
2. Be fair – visibly fair
You don’t have to pretend your friendships don’t exist, but you do have to be scrupulously fair. Stay consistent in how you allocate work, praise, promotion opportunities and perks so no one can reasonably claim favouritism. Perception matters as much as reality.
3. Get to know everyone
Workplace friendships can’t be a closed club for “your people”. Make a conscious effort to build good relationships across the whole team, not just with those you naturally click with. Those “most different to you”, as Pullinger says, might be the very ones who elevate the team’s performance.
4. Avoid gossip – completely
Gossip between colleagues is one thing; gossip from the boss is quite another. As a leader, you’re the one who needs to step away, shut it down or change the subject. Nothing erodes trust in workplace friendships faster than discovering the boss is part of the rumour mill.
5. Find someone else to talk to
Need to vent about senior leadership, company politics or tricky decisions? Your work friends aren’t your confessional. Find an appropriate sounding board – a peer in another team, your own manager, a coach or mentor with no ties to your organisation.
6. Be okay with not being liked
If your self-worth relies on everyone in the office thinking you’re delightful, management is going to be a rough ride. You can be fair, decent and friendly and still have to make decisions that some people won’t like. That’s the job.
7. Don’t take yourself too seriously
Being the boss doesn’t mean you have to stalk around like a budget movie villain. Join the team for lunch, the odd social, and moments of shared silliness. Working with people you respect – and who respect you back – makes it easier to keep social time and performance expectations in their proper lanes.
8. Mind your language
It’s easy to slide into “mate mode” with people you’re close to: in-jokes, overly casual language, slightly too much oversharing. Remember, you still need to command respect and set the tone. You don’t have to be stiff, just intentional.
9. Hire the right people
The easiest way to manage the line between boss and friend is to bring in people who naturally understand it. Invest in a recruitment strategy that looks beyond skills and into values and cultural fit. You want people who can enjoy workplace friendships without trampling boundaries.
10. Don’t cross the line
Some employees will love a more familiar dynamic; others will prefer a bit more distance. Pay attention to cues. Not everyone wants to add the boss on social media, join every after-work drink, or discuss their love life over lunch. Respect that.
The Future of Friendly Workplaces
As remote and hybrid models evolve, the concept of workplace friendships is changing shape – but not disappearing. Whether you’re in the office three days a week or only see your colleagues in pixels, the fundamentals remain the same: people want to feel seen, valued and supported.
Handled well, workplace friendships can transform a group of individuals into a genuinely connected team. Handled badly, they can undermine trust, fuel resentment and leave everyone wondering why Friday drinks now feel like a staff meeting.
The difference lies in how leaders show up: curious about their people, clear about boundaries and, just occasionally, willing to admit they were wrong about something. That last one won’t just make you more human – it might just make you more effective too.
