David Saunders
The great British Christmas buffet is a national sport at this point: molten cheese in the middle, pastry on every side, and at least one relative pretending they’re “just having a light pick.” But behind the twinkly lights and sausage rolls, there’s a darker side to the Christmas buffet — and a new survey from Asda has politely outed the nation’s worst offenders.
This year, nearly three-quarters of people plan to put on some kind of festive food spread for friends and family. Over a third say they actually prefer the picky bits to the main Christmas lunch itself, which probably won’t surprise anyone who’s ever stared down a dry turkey and thought longingly of a mini sausage roll.
Asked what makes a proper spread, respondents put baked camembert, mini sausage rolls, glazed ham, smoked salmon, twiglets and mini gherkins firmly on the table. A sizeable chunk of the country also believes the centre of a Christmas buffet should be a bubbling fondue, with crusty bread, pigs in blankets and slices of serrano ham lined up for dunking.
But if the food is a unifying force, the behaviour around it definitely isn’t. Around eight in ten people reckon there’s a right way and a wrong way to tackle that festive table, and the list of so-called “buffet crimes” is long enough to fill a stocking.
Top of the shame list:
- Leaning right across other guests to dunk into the cheese.
- Spitting olive stones into your hand and dropping them back in the shared bowl.
- Letting melted cheese trail all over the table like edible candle wax.
Also firmly in the naughty column: dipping meat into a clearly vegetarian dip, hacking through pâté or cheese with a knife that’s already been used, and hovering by the spread for so long you may as well pull up a chair.
Sensing that the Christmas buffet was turning into a full-contact sport, Asda has decided to intervene with what might be the most gloriously unnecessary invention of the season: the Fonduuuuuue Fork.
The supermarket has commissioned a fork that stretches to around two metres in length and is being trialled this festive season. The idea is that guests can sit back, stay in their lane and still reach the molten cheese in the middle without lunging, leaning or dragging a woolly sleeve through the brie.
“The festive spread is where Christmas memories are made – and where etiquette sometimes melts away,” said an Asda spokesperson. “With eight in ten Brits saying there’s a right and wrong way to behave at the buffet, we thought it was time to give the nation a helping hand – or in this case, a longer fork.”
The data behind the stunt suggests Asda knows exactly what it’s doing. Sales of party platters and olives are up by more than half compared to last year, and cheese bakes have seen a healthy single-digit rise too. In other words, our national appetite for all things melty and moreish is nowhere near being sated.
And despite the occasional social car crash around the table, the love affair with the festive spread isn’t going anywhere. Almost half of those surveyed insist British Christmas food is “top tier,” while over a third say cheese is non-negotiable if the day is going to feel like Christmas at all.
It’s not just about eating, either. More than half of respondents admit they like to post their carefully laid-out buffet on social media, showing off their tablescaping skills and cheese-based creations to friends, family and that one ex who still watches their stories.
On average, people in the UK tuck into about four festive party spreads each year, with ten guests named as the ideal headcount for a proper Christmas do. Any more and it becomes a scrum; any fewer and the washing-up doesn’t feel worth it.
Even technique at the Christmas buffet has been quietly categorised. A noticeable share of people see themselves as “scoopers,” piling as much as they can onto bread or crackers. Others proudly identify as twirlers, taking the time to wind cheese or dip neatly before lifting it away. A smaller but honest minority admit they’re “drippers,” trailing sauce or cheese as they retreat from the table and hoping no one notices.
| # | Behaviour | Share | Visual |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Coughing or sneezing over the food | 55% | |
| 2 | Leaning across others to grab food items | 54% | |
| 3 | Leaning across others to dip | 49% | |
| 4 | Putting olive pits back in the bowl | 48% | |
| 5 | Dripping melted cheese from the fondue all over the table | 48% | |
| 6 | Letting pets jump up at the table | 44% | |
| 7 | Pushing in front of someone | 39% | |
| 8 | Putting food back because you changed your mind | 38% | |
| 9 | Knocking something over when reaching over | 37% | |
| 10 | Double dipping | 36% | |
| 11 | Using the same spoon for different chutneys | 35% | |
| 12 | Piling your plate high | 34% | |
| 13 | Dipping meat into a veggie dip | 27% | |
| 14 | Standing at the table and eating, rather than going to sit down | 27% | |
| 15 | Taking the last item without offering it around first | 24% | |
| 16 | Cutting pâté or cheese with a used knife | 23% | |
| 17 | Hovering too late at the table | 19% | |
| 18 | Grabbing a handful of crisps and nuts | 17% | |
| 19 | Tearing up bread with your hands | 16% | |
| 20 | Going back for a third helping | 12% |
So this year, as the Christmas buffet takes centre stage once again, the nation has a choice. We can carry on double-dipping, leaning, dripping and committing unspeakable acts with olive pits — or we can embrace a little seasonal etiquette, maybe even grab a giant fork, and give everyone an equal shot at the camembert.
Either way, the message is simple: respect the table, respect the guests, and remember that someone is definitely judging your technique… and probably posting the Christmas buffet on Instagram.
