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Almost Half Of Us Secretly Cringe At Something Their Partner Does During Sex

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Nationwide research of the nation’s couples has found Brits really do live up to their “stiff upper lip” reputation when it comes to discussing sex, with as many as 45 percent admitting that talking about it with their partner is too awkward.

And a further 42 percent confess there is a specific “thing” that their other half does in the bedroom which they find a complete turn-off, with one in ten saying this happens every time they get in between the sheets.

Sexual technique emerged as the biggest turn-off left unsaid (35 percent), followed by finishing too quickly (23 percent) and finding their partner selfish (23 percent).

And almost a third (31 percent) WINCE when their partner tries to talk dirty to them, while on the flip side, nine percent actually want their partner to be more vocal during sex.

The study by relationship app Paired also found we are reluctant to open up about our secret fantasies and desires, while 23 percent wish they could introduce the idea of sex toys to their other half, 23 percent would like things to be a bit slower, while 19 percent wish they could suggest having sex in an outdoor place.

The research of 2,000 Britons in relationships took a deep dive into all things intimate to provide a closer look at sex lives across the UK, revealing that the biggest barrier to talking about sex in a relationship is feeling embarrassed and self-conscious (24 percent).

Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, Head of Couple Relationships, at Paired, explains, “Discussing sex with your partner can be challenging as it requires vulnerability. People may need to face insecurities they have (about sex or the relationship in general), or directly confront the fear of rejection/perceived fear of rejection.”

According to the research, 18 percent of Britons are completely unsatisfied with their sex life, while 49 percent say although they enjoy getting passionate with their partner, it could be better.

But Brits believe that those who openly discuss their sex life with their partner are more likely to be satisfied with their relationship than those who don’t, with two in five (40 percent) thinking that couples who talk openly about their sex lives are happier than those who keep tight-lipped.

Kevin Shanahan, co-founder of the Paired couples app, who conducted the research adds: This research is fascinating in showing how awkward British couples find it talking about something as important as their sex lives. Paired has been proven to open communication between partners on sex and a wide variety of other topics, with eight in ten Paired users reporting they feel comfortable talking about sex with their partner after a few months of using the app.”

Looking more widely at our sex lives, the research also found that 70 percent of Brits don’t always initiate sex with foreplay, while 16 percent said sometimes they only have sex just to please their partner, rather than because they enjoy it.

The number one complaint for a dwindling sex life was found to be getting older (27 percent), followed by stress (21 percent) and becoming a parent (14 percent). However the research found that on average it’s after a long twelve years together that we believe our sex lives start to go downhill.

Typically, Britons would love to have sex 10 times a month but it seems we want more variety. Eleven percent admitted they were bored with their sex life, and 13 percent wish their partner was more open to trying different positions during the throes of passion.

If you’re struggling to talk with your partner about sex, Paired’s Dr. Marisa T. Cohen has the following tips:

  • “Prepare to be open and vulnerable. This builds a foundation of trust that will allow your sex life to develop
  • Focus on your thoughts, feelings and needs. Avoid making assumptions about or judging your partner.
  • If something is challenging to discuss, reframe it. Focus on what you want or want more of, rather than what you don’t want.
  • Avoid comparing your relationship to others or to media portrayals of relationships or sex.”

To help couples open up about sex, Paired is offering a ‘Conversations for Better Sex’ pack of questions in its app. The pack explores the typical barriers faced by couples when discussing sex and prompts them to unpack their feelings about the subject.

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