Nicola Elliott
Thinking about getting back into dating but feel like your social skills have the shelf life of a warm pint? You’re not alone.
The modern dating world can feel like a cross between speed chess and karaoke—equal parts strategy and embarrassment—but experts say there’s no need to panic.
With the right mindset (and maybe the right coffee spot), you can find your rhythm again.
Start Slow and Keep It Simple
If the thought of an all-night dinner date makes you want to fake an early morning meeting, relationship therapist Charisse Cooke has your back.
“I suggest my clients start off slow, going for a drink or coffee date that lasts no longer than an hour or two.
If weather permits, a picnic or bike ride could be a great way to get the chemistry going,” says Cooke.
Translation: keep it casual, keep it short, and keep your expectations lower than your caffeine intake. Dating isn’t an Olympic event—it’s a warm-up for connection.
Forget Perfect — Be Real
When it comes to getting back into dating, most people worry about “showing their best self,” but dating and relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan says the trick is to drop the act entirely.
“So many people will naturally feel out of practice with dating, and that’s OK – the only expectations on a date are the ones you create for yourself,” she says.
“Remember, it’s just a meeting between two humans. Know you are more than enough, and by just being your authentic self – forget what ‘best’ looks like, because that’s so much pressure in itself – and focusing on whether that person is right for you and your wants and needs, helps you step back into your dating power.
“Don’t pass this power over to someone else by considering you aren’t enough in confidence or conversation. With the right person, you will settle into it and things will start to naturally flow.”
In short, confidence isn’t about charm; it’s about comfort.
Get Out of Your Head
If you’re silently narrating your every move mid-date, Ryan suggests switching your focus. “One of the best ways to get out of your head and into the moment, is to focus on the person in front of you and stay present,” she says.
“It happens so often that people are focusing so much on being liked, or being accepted or wanted by the other person, it means shifting the focus away from the end goal, which is seeing if you like them.”
That’s right—you’re interviewing them too.
Ease Off the Accelerator
After a dry spell, it’s tempting to charge back into romance like it’s a sale at Selfridges. But Cooke advises restraint:
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being eager to have some fun, but do pause to think about what you’re in the market for. The danger would be to become somewhat reckless in our dating style.”
Slow and steady not only wins the race—it keeps you from emotional whiplash.
Don’t Try to Make Up for Lost Time
Dr Marisa T Cohen, relationship expert at the Paired couples app, says the real key is pacing yourself. “Don’t overschedule yourself due to the perception you may hold that you have lost valuable time for dating and getting to meet your match,” she says.
A balanced schedule beats burnout every time. Give yourself room to breathe, or you’ll swap “date night” for “detox night.”
Drop the Pressure
Ryan warns against treating every date like an audition. “Take the pressure off by seeing each encounter as a meeting of new people and gaining experiences, rather than an interview for your last romantic partner. It’s called ‘dating’ for a reason,” she says.
And remember, the one you’re looking for is looking too. “Know that the person you are looking to meet is looking for you too, stay positive. If you find you’re not enjoying it, change your approach and try something new.”
Get Clear on What You Want
Cooke believes getting back into dating can actually be a reset button for your priorities. “Our time is precious and who we invite into our lives matters,” she says.
Ryan agrees: “Start to be crystal clear on your values, so that people who do not align with that fall by the wayside. Work on creating boundaries to say no to those that don’t serve you, and on being the energy that you want to attract.
“If you’re happy on your own, enjoy your own company, and living a life you love full of purpose and passion, there is no doubt you will attract someone like-minded and have a happy, fulfilling relationship. Focus on building the relationship you have with yourself and filling your own cup, so to speak.”
So if you’re getting back into dating, skip the panic, polish your sense of humour, and keep your expectations grounded in reality. After all, dating isn’t about finding perfection—it’s about finding someone who laughs at the same nonsense you do.
