Depression doesn’t always announce itself loudly, especially when it comes to men. It’s not just about feeling sad or having a rough day—it can seep into every aspect of life, often hidden under the surface.
The numbers are sobering: globally, 280 million people live with depression, and in England and Wales, three-quarters of suicides in 2020 were men. To make matters worse, the male suicide rate is at its highest in over two decades.
But here’s the kicker—men are less likely to seek help. They’re less likely to talk about it, less likely to recognize what’s happening, and often more likely to suffer in silence. So, how do we spot what’s really going on?
What Depression Looks Like in Men
Depression isn’t one-size-fits-all, especially for men. While women might be more likely to express feelings of sadness openly, men often experience it differently. Anger, irritability, or complete withdrawal from the people they care about can be just as telling.
It’s easy to miss the signs when they’re tucked away behind a “busy schedule” or shrugged off as “just stress.” But if you’re paying attention, you’ll notice patterns.
It might look like this:
- He’s snapping more than usual or seems permanently frustrated.
- Nights are sleepless, or he’s sleeping way too much.
- There’s always a drink in hand, or he’s working ridiculous hours to avoid coming home.
- Even things he used to love—football, tinkering with the car, catching up with friends—don’t hold his interest anymore.
- Then there are the physical symptoms. Unexplained aches, constant low energy, changes in appetite—these aren’t just random. They’re often the body’s way of saying, “Something’s not right here.”
Why Does It Happen?
Life has a way of throwing us unexpected punches, and sometimes, they land harder than we’re ready for. A breakup, losing a job, or the death of someone you love—they don’t just hurt in the moment; they have a way of lingering, sitting heavy in your chest long after the fact.
For men, the weight can feel even heavier. Society’s unwritten rules have always pushed the idea that men should “man up,” bury their feelings, and just get on with it. But that kind of pressure to bottle everything up can take something already tough and make it unbearable.
But it’s not always the big, headline-making events that derail us. More often, it’s the quieter, sneaky factors—the role genetics play, a health issue that just won’t budge, or the relentless pressure of financial stress.
Typically, it’s not just one thing on its own. It’s a tangled mix of life’s circumstances, your biological makeup, and everything happening around you that slowly chips away at your mental wellbeing.
More often than not, it’s a mix of everything—a messy, tangled web of circumstances, biology, and the pressures of daily life that slowly start to wear you down.
How to Help
If you’re worried about a partner, friend, or colleague, don’t wait for them to open up. Chances are, they won’t. But how do you even start a conversation when they’ve built walls around themselves?
Psychologist Lina Anderhell suggests keeping it simple. “Dare to ask the question, ‘How are you feeling?’” she says. It’s about showing you’ve noticed changes—without sounding like you’re accusing them of something.
For example, you could say, “You don’t seem like yourself lately. I’m here if you want to talk.” It might feel awkward, but it’s better than saying nothing.
And if they do open up, resist the urge to jump straight to solutions. Sometimes, just listening is enough. If they’re willing, offer to help them take the next step, like booking an appointment with a GP or counsellor.
What Can Men Do for Themselves?
Let’s be real—acknowledging there’s a problem is hard. But once that hurdle is cleared, small steps can make a big difference.
Talk to someone: A mate, a family member, or even a professional. Opening up is a release in itself.
- Ease off the booze: Alcohol might feel like a quick fix, but it’s a trap. Too much can make things worse.
- Move your body: Exercise doesn’t have to mean hours at the gym. Even a walk can help clear the head and boost mood.
- Practice mindfulness: Taking five minutes to breathe, meditate, or just sit in silence can work wonders.
- Stick to basics: Regular meals, decent sleep, and a little routine can ground you when life feels overwhelming.
- When It’s Time for Professional Help
Sometimes, self-help isn’t enough—and that’s okay. If depression feels like an immovable weight, reaching out to a GP is the next step.
Whether it’s talking therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or medication, there are options. The key is finding what works for you.
And remember, asking for help isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. It’s the first move toward reclaiming control.
Breaking the Silence
Depression doesn’t have to be a silent struggle. Whether you’re experiencing it or supporting someone who is, the first step is simple: talk.
Men face enough pressures without adding silence to the mix. Let’s change the narrative—because nobody should have to go through it alone.