The author of “The Autistic Mom,” opens up about how prioritising her wellbeing has been vital – not just for herself, but for her son too.
For many mothers, self-care is often the first thing to be sacrificed in the whirlwind of parenting. But for autistic mum, Jessica, learning to care for herself wasn’t just a luxury — it was a lifeline.
In her candid and powerful book The Autistic Mom, Whalley shares how years of masking, misdiagnosis, and burnout forced her to rethink everything she thought she knew about what it means to be a good parent. And central to that shift? Prioritising self-care.
“I am a mother, but if I don’t look after myself, I will be of no use to my son — now or in the future.”
Self-Care as Survival
Living with undiagnosed neurodivergence for decades took its toll. Like many women with ASC and ADHD, Jessica Whalley internalised her struggles and pushed herself to meet neurotypical expectations.
“Being self-aware and looking after yourself is highly important. Nobody knows how you feel, physically or mentally, other than you,” she notes. “Nothing and nobody will knock on your door and make you happy. We must help ourselves.”
This radical self-acceptance led her to create personalised routines and rituals that honour her needs — routines she credits with keeping her grounded, healthy, and capable of caring for her son, Jude, who is also autistic.
Daily Practices That Make a Difference
Whalley’s self-care toolkit includes:
- Morning yoga, guided meditation, affirmations, and journaling to start the day with clarity.
- Breathwork and visualisation to manage anxiety and sensory overwhelm.
- Healthy food and hydration to support physical energy and mental focus.
- Dedicated “quiet time” and weekly rest days are to be treated as non-negotiable.
Jessica has also made peace with doing things differently — like limiting social interactions that drain her energy, and saying “no” without guilt.
Therapy, Honesty, and Emotional Check-Ins
Acknowledging the emotional labour of both motherhood and neurodivergence, she champions therapy as essential.
“Therapy is one of the best things you can do. It’s life-changing — especially if you’ve spent years trying to mask who you are.”
Jessica also builds in time to mentally check in with herself, reflect on how she’s feeling, and let go of unnecessary stress. One key strategy? Scheduling “worry time,” a short window each week where she’s allowed to sit with her fears — and then move on.
Advice for Other Neurodivergent Parents
Jessica’s message to fellow neurodivergent mums is clear: your wellbeing matters. Self-care isn’t selfish.
“Make sure you schedule time for rest and self-care so you don’t burn out; this is essential. We can’t be the best parents possible if we don’t look after ourselves.”
The Autistic Mom is available to purchase in paperback, priced at £13.99 on Amazon HERE
